Looking Back at 2020's New Year Resolutions

 Uh. So. 2020. That happened ... a lot.

Back in the normal times of December 2019, I wrote down some resolutions. How'd those go?

1. Accept Life as It Is - The thrust of this was to try to be better about finding happiness internally rather than relying on outside factors or waiting for particular conditions to be met. In the first half of the year, I did okay with this, I think but I really fell off. I had some disappointments and ended up feeling very out of control. It's certainly the worst I've felt since the darkest days of my PhD.
2. Go on More Adventures - Uh ... fuck.
3. Read More - I did this. It was pretty good. I'd still like to read more and with a little more grace and control, but I read a lot more and a lot of cool things too.
4. Move Projects Forward - I almost did this, but by equal measure my Fall semester completely beat most of the project thinking out of my mind. Hopefully I'll be able to be more on track in 2021.

At the end of the day I'm not unhappy with 2020. 

I think I made some choices that held me back as the year went on. I got hung up on "need to" and "should" and struggled keeping with the day-to-day and finding my own happiness. I also struggled with my identity quite a lot and how to balance that with things that need to be done and what I want to do or be (and how what I want to do affects who I want to be). 

Still I learn a huge amount, about myself, about teaching, about making do and how done is so much better than perfect. So even even though 2020 was a pretty rocky year, I think I'm coming out of it stronger.

via GIPHY - and now for a 2020 nap.